Don't look directly at this 'Eclipse'

Warning:  This review contains lots of spoilers.  Read at your own risk.

Last year’s installment of the Twilight saga, New Moon, was by no means great cinema.  The characters were just as bland and the dialog just as banal as in the first Twilight film. However, New Moon boasted a more interesting story and stronger direction than its predecessor.  It successfully moved the plot of forward, developed the characters and their relationships, and had a fair amount of action to boot.  If there was one major flaw, it was that it tried to fit too much into a two hour movie.  The third act in particular felt rushed, with several new developments and characters introduced with little explanation.  Still, it was an improvement, and for the most part a reasonably entertaining bit of romantic fantasy. 

Eclipse, on the other hand, spends most of its running time spinning its wheels as Bella (Kristen Stewart) agonizes over her love triangle with vampire Edward (Robert Pattison) and werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner).  Dialog is not the strong suit of this series, so its especially painful when Eclipse gives us scene after scene of these three talking to each other about their feelings. 

Not only is Eclipse dull and vapid, it’s redundant.  These exact same relationship issues were already covered in a much more concise manner in New Moon.   At that film’s conclusion, things seemed to have been settled.  Bella agreed to marry Edward after high school graduation, and he in turn promised to make her a vampire.  All this just so the two of them could finally get laid.  Seems like an awful lot to go through for a little action, but whatever, it was settled.  But Eclipse doesn’t know what else to do, so it just has the characters rehash the same tired arguments we already heard last time around.  All just to end up at exactly the same place.

There’s also a subplot about a bunch of “newborn” vampires showing up nearby.  We’re told these vamps are young and hungry and especially strong.  Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard), the red-head vampire whose boyfriend was killed by Edward and his family in the first film, is creating the newborns as part of a revenge plot.  Evidently this is so scary that Edward’s vampire coven and Jacob’s wolf pack agree to put aside their centuries of hatred and work together.  But just like Bella’s romantic relationships, it’s all tease and no pay off.   When the big confrontation finally takes place, it’s not a fight, it’s a massacre.  A couple werewolves get hurt, but thanks to their accelerated healing abilities even broken bones aren’t much more inconvenient than a hang nail.

The movie also wastes time on the back stories of two minor vampire clan members.  None of what we learn about these characters is of particular importance, and all these flashbacks accomplish is to make the film drag on even longer.  That time would have been better spent building up Victoria and her protégé Riley (Xavier Samuel), since as it stands the villains of this piece are sorely lacking in presence or interest of any kind. 

There’s no need to go into all the little nitpicky things about this movie that grate on the nerves, of which there are plenty.  The bottom line is, this particular installment of the saga does absolutely nothing except draw it out to rake in more cash from the devoted.  Not only is it lacking in any kind of dramatic interest, director David Slade can’t even muster up any compelling visuals.  It’s a mystery that the biggest cash-cow film franchise currently in existence would release such a half-ass place holder of a film, but that’s what we have here.  Even if you’re a fan, you’re not missing much by skipping this one.  Victoria dies.  That’s the only thing that happens in this movie that you’ll need to know going into the next, hopefully more eventful, installment.  1 out of 4 stars.

'Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief' Steals With Style

There’s no getting around the fact that Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief bears a number of similarities to the Harry Potter series.  Both feature a young male protagonist who doesn’t realize he has special powers.  Adolsecent Harry learns that he is a wizard and gets sent off to wizard school, while teenage Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman) learns that he is the son of the Olympian god Poseidon and gets sent off to demigod camp.  Both disobey the warnings of their instructors to embark on dangerous quests accompanied by two companions; in Percy’s case, a comic-relief Satyr named Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) and Annabeth, the daughter of the goddess Athena (Alexandra Daddario).  To top it all off, the director of this first installment in what will no doubt be a series of films is Chris Columbus, who also directed the first Potter film.

But hey, some of my favorite movies are rip-offs.  Spielberg’s Jaws is a classic, but I’m just as happy to watch Joe Dante’s cheap knock-off Piranha.  Star Wars (aka Episode IV: A New Hope) steals most of its plot and characters from Akira Kurosawa’s The Hidden Fortress, but knowing that doesn’t lessen my enjoyment of George Lucas’ space opera.  Similarly, I found myself enjoying The Lightning Thief just as much, if not more, than most of the Potter films.  Yes, Percy Jackson is clearly following a tried and true formula, but it modifies the ingredients enough that it takes on its own distinctive flavor. 

One of the key differences between the two franchises is that The Lightning Thief feels considerably less cluttered.  My biggest issue with the Harry Potter films is that they all feel stuffed to bursting in an effort to cram as much of the books on screen as possible, without any real regard for how that might flow cinematically.   That’s not an issue here.  Neither does The Lightning Thief seek to constantly distract us with multiple little special effects gags in the corners of every shot.  There’s even a real honest to goodness ending that makes it possible to enjoy the film on its own, even if the sequels never get made. 

It also helps that The Lightning Thief  has a strong supporting cast, including Catherine Keener as Percy’s mother, Joe Pantoliona as Percy’s wicked step-father, Pierece Brosnan as a centaur who teaches the young demigods and goddesses, and Uma Thurman as Medusa.  Plus it has some cool monsters, which is always a good thing in my book.  By no means is this a great movie, but it was a lot more entertaining than I expected.  3 out of 4 stars.

Taking a Break From the Halloween Blogs to 'Whip It'

I've already botched my attempt to do a horror related blog every day in October, anyway, so screw it.  I'll get back to the horror soon, but today I'm going to do a quick review of Drew Barrymore's directorial debut Whip It.


Bliss (Ellen Page) is a fairly typical 17 year old girl whose mother pushes her to take part in beauty pageants.  It's not exactly her thing, but there doesn't seem to be much else to do in her small hometown of Bodeen.  Then one day Bliss discovers there is a roller derby team based out of nearby Austin.  She goes to see a match and decides to try out.  This being a sports movie, the team Bliss tries out for are the roller derby equivalent of the Bad News Bears, perenial losers The Hurl Scouts.


The plot hits a lot of the beats you'd expect a movie like this to hit, and by the end there's probably more extraneous drama piled on than necessary.  On the plus side, Whip It has a few unexpected twists on the usual formula, the characters are likable, and the jokes are funny and flow naturally from the situations.  It's not a great movie, but it's an enjoyable one.


Ellen Page is excellent in the lead, playing a more vulnerable and realistic teenager than she did in 'Juno' and coming across as completely believable.  Good supporting cast, too, including director Barrymore, Alia Shawkat, Marcia Gay Harden, Juliette Lewis, Kristen Wiig, and an almost unrecognizable Jimmy Fallon.  As for Barrymore's direction, it's nothing flashy.  Just solid meat and potatoes storytelling, which is fine in my book.  3 out of 4 stars.