31 Days of Halloween 2019: Daphne & Velma

[Once again I'm going to attempt to do a horror(ish) movie review a day for the entire month of October. I've done this the last few years on The Cleveland Movie Blog. Most of the time I succeeded. Other times I didn't. We'll see if I can pull it off this year.] 

Review by Bob Ignizio

I’m not sure if I should call it a reboot, an update, a prequel, or a spin-off. Whatever you call it, DAPHNE & VELMA is another installment of the Scooby Doo franchise, live action division. And since continuity has never really been a major component of the adventures of Scooby and his mystery solving pals whatever their format, it doesn’t make too much of a difference.

Anyway, as the title implies, DAPHNE & VELMA focuses on the ladies of the Scooby gang. The film begins with teenage Daphne (Sarah Jeffery) posting videos about aliens and the paranormal. Velma  (Sarah Gilman) has a more skeptical viewpoint, and comments on Daphne’s vids that everything has a logical explanation. Despite their different points of view, the two consider each other good friends, even if they’ve never actually met.

31 Days of Halloween 2018: 'Errementari' Is Devilish Fun

[Once again I'm going to attempt to do a horror(ish) movie review a day for the entire month of October. I've done this the last few years on The Cleveland Movie Blog. Most of the time I succeeded (usually with the help of a few other writers). Other times I didn't. We'll see if I can pull it off this year.] 

No, Paul Urkijo Alijo's ERREMENTARI isn’t a movie about Sherlock Holmes suffering with a speech impediment. Rather, it’s a Basque language dark fairytale about a blacksmith who gets killed in the war, makes a deal with the devil to come back and see his wife one last time, and predictably has the bargain go bad. But rather than pay the agreed upon price for this demonic con job, Paxti (Kandido Uranga) refuses to go to Hell. Instead, he captures the demon (name of Sartael, played by Eneko Sagardoy) sent to claim his soul, and imprisons it in a cage inside his old blacksmith forge. And to ensure that no one sets it free, he walls off his property and sets traps around it. If the villagers spread tall tales about him doing various evil misdeeds, like capturing and killing children, all the better to keep them away.

But the best laid plans, yada, yada. In the town near the blacksmith’s forge, there is a little girl named Usue (Uma Bracaglia). The local children taunt her because of her mother’s suicide, and one particularly nasty little boy tears the head off Usue’s doll and throws it over Paxti’s heavily fortified wall. When Usue ventures onto the blacksmith’s property to retrieve her toy, she also discovers a little boy locked in a cage. Knowing the stories about Paxti, Usue agrees to get the key to the cage and set the boy free. But things are not exactly as they seem.

Movie Review: 'Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole'

They may look cute, but the owls in The Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole engage in some decidedly un-cuddly behavior.  In fact, there's very little in the way of light-hearted anthropomorphic animal hi-jinks here.  Instead we get kidnappings, brainwashing, daring escapes, and epic battles between good and evil.  Nothing wrong with that in and of itself, but parents may want to consider whether their young ones are ready for such intense fare. 

For slightly older kids and the adults accompanying them, this is fairly standard-issue heroic adventure stuff.  The plot sets owl brother against owl brother.  Soren (voiced by Jim Sturgess) gathers together a group of unlikely allies and learns how to “use his gizzard” (the owl equivalent of the force) from the wise old Ezylryb (voiced by Geoffrey Rush).  His brother Kludd (voiced by Ryan Kwanten) joins forces with The Pure Ones, a group of racist owls led by Nyra (voiced by Helen Mirren) and Metalbeak (voiced by Joel Edgerton).  And so the stage is set for the inevitable confrontation between good and evil.

The plot may be a bit familiar, but it's refreshing that the film doesn't overly sanitize it's feathered protagonists, allowing them to be the mouse-munching predators they are in real life.   Also praiseworthy is the way it tackles some fairly strong themes about how war and violence shouldn't be viewed as heroic; but rather as regrettable, if sometimes necessary, evils.  Of course a lot of that gets undermined by Director Zack Snyder (300, The Watchmen), who shoots the battle scenes like violent eye candy.  Essentially, the script has one point of view, the visuals have another, and no one seemed to feel it was necessary to reconcile the two.

Still, if nothing else Snyder knows how to make a visually stunning movie.  If you've seen a few CG kiddie flicks, you know they all look pretty much the same.  Not this one.  Legend of the Guardians creates a rich and unique world for its characters to inhabit.  It's a world that leaves one with a lot of questions, like how do owls craft extremely detailed helmets, or manage to strap such pieces of headgear on, but perhaps it's best not to think too deeply on these matters.  Oddly enough, despite the striking visuals, the 3D aspects of the movie aren't all that impressive.  If you're going to see this one, save yourself the extra couple of bucks and watch it flat.  2 ½ out of 4 stars.

A Not So Titanic 'Clash'

Perseus (Sam Worthington) just wants to follow in the footsteps of his adoptive parents and lead a simple life as a fisherman.  Unfortunately for Pers, whose real father is the head honcho of the gods, Zeus (Liam Neeson), demigods never have it that easy.  When the city of Argos decides to defy the gods, Perseus’ entire family becomes collateral damage as Hades (Ralph Fiennes) sets about reminding the populace why it isn’t smart to piss off deities.  After giving Argos just a small taste of the kind of smackdown he’s capable of delivering, Hades demands the sacrifice of the Princess Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) to the Kraken, a giant sea monster with an even worse disposition than his. 

Perseus isn’t particularly interested in any of this until he learns that, by killing the Kraken, he will automatically get a title shot at Hades as well.  So, motivated solely by a desire for vengeance, our “hero” sets off to acquire the knowledge and weapons he will need for his task.  Accompanying him are way too many minor characters than any straight forward fantasy/adventure movie needs, including Io (Gemma Atherton), a woman cursed with immortality who watches over Perseus and provides him with advice.  Anyway, the group fights lots of monsters and makes friends with some Tusken Raiders who wandered off the set of ‘Star Wars’.  The ultimate goal is to reach the lair of Medusa, a snake woman whose head is the only weapon that can kill the Kraken. 

This should all be a lot of fun, but it isn’t.   See, you don’t need much for a movie like this to work, but at the bare minimum your hero (or antihero, as the case may be) needs to be compelling.  Perseus is not.  He just sulks around like a petulant adolescent with a cloud over his head muttering about how he doesn’t need any stinking gifts from the gods.   Beyond that, the character has no personality traits that I could discern.  It’s impossible to feel any emotional attachment to Perseus, or any of the characters, for that matter. 

All that’s left is to sit and watch the action and effects scenes with a sense of cool detachment.  But even on that level, the movie is far from a success.  As is apparently mandatory these days, most of the action scenes are shot in shaky confuso-vision.  So even when there’s something cool happening on screen, the movie does its best to keep you from actually seeing it.  As for the monsters, for the most part they’re ok.  Like most CGI, they move smoothly and are integrated well into the overall film, but lack personality.  They have the feeling of something created by committee rather than by a single artist.  The one real failure is Medusa.  I’d expect to see something like this on an episode of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, not in a major Hollywood blockbuster.

So far I’ve avoided any mention of the original 1981 version of this film, preferring to deal with this year’s model strictly on its own terms.  So briefly, here are the main differences between the two.  Obviously the special effects technology available today makes it possible to present mythological monsters and scenes of mass destruction in a more realistic manner.  That said, the monsters in the original, hand crafted and animated by effects genius Ray Harryhausen, have more personality and life.  For me it was a draw, but if you’re one of those sad people who can only enjoy a fantasy movie if it looks realistic, you’ll probably give the edge to the remake. 

In terms of screenplay, neither film is exactly an Oscar contender.  The original had a number of ridiculous plot contrivances, not to mention a goofy mechanical owl meant as an R2D2 rip-off.  There’s still a great heroic epic at that film’s core, though.  And since the movie never takes itself too seriously, it’s hard to get upset .  The new version opts for a more serious tone.  All of the silliest aspects of the original have been eliminated, which is fine, but so has much of the original’s sense of wonder and adventure.  Also missing is the romance between Perseus and Andromeda.  Without the romance, the new Clash feels like it’s missing its soul, not to mention any kind of motivation for the hero that an audience can really get behind. 

The lack of heart is really the deal breaker for me with this movie.  With no characters to care about, what’s the point?  The sheer spectacle of it all provides some entertainment value, but it’s certainly not enough to recommend that you pay to see this in a theater.  Even if I didn’t have warm nostalgic feelings for the original Clash, this remake would still come up short.  2 out of 4 stars.

'Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief' Steals With Style

There’s no getting around the fact that Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief bears a number of similarities to the Harry Potter series.  Both feature a young male protagonist who doesn’t realize he has special powers.  Adolsecent Harry learns that he is a wizard and gets sent off to wizard school, while teenage Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman) learns that he is the son of the Olympian god Poseidon and gets sent off to demigod camp.  Both disobey the warnings of their instructors to embark on dangerous quests accompanied by two companions; in Percy’s case, a comic-relief Satyr named Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) and Annabeth, the daughter of the goddess Athena (Alexandra Daddario).  To top it all off, the director of this first installment in what will no doubt be a series of films is Chris Columbus, who also directed the first Potter film.

But hey, some of my favorite movies are rip-offs.  Spielberg’s Jaws is a classic, but I’m just as happy to watch Joe Dante’s cheap knock-off Piranha.  Star Wars (aka Episode IV: A New Hope) steals most of its plot and characters from Akira Kurosawa’s The Hidden Fortress, but knowing that doesn’t lessen my enjoyment of George Lucas’ space opera.  Similarly, I found myself enjoying The Lightning Thief just as much, if not more, than most of the Potter films.  Yes, Percy Jackson is clearly following a tried and true formula, but it modifies the ingredients enough that it takes on its own distinctive flavor. 

One of the key differences between the two franchises is that The Lightning Thief feels considerably less cluttered.  My biggest issue with the Harry Potter films is that they all feel stuffed to bursting in an effort to cram as much of the books on screen as possible, without any real regard for how that might flow cinematically.   That’s not an issue here.  Neither does The Lightning Thief seek to constantly distract us with multiple little special effects gags in the corners of every shot.  There’s even a real honest to goodness ending that makes it possible to enjoy the film on its own, even if the sequels never get made. 

It also helps that The Lightning Thief  has a strong supporting cast, including Catherine Keener as Percy’s mother, Joe Pantoliona as Percy’s wicked step-father, Pierece Brosnan as a centaur who teaches the young demigods and goddesses, and Uma Thurman as Medusa.  Plus it has some cool monsters, which is always a good thing in my book.  By no means is this a great movie, but it was a lot more entertaining than I expected.  3 out of 4 stars.

'Legion' of Dumb

I tried to get my wife to go see Legion with me over the past weekend.  She said it looked like crap, and wondered why I do such things to myself.  I told her I thought the movie would be fun, and she would be missing out.  However, in the case she was right, I promised I would write the following:  I should have listened to my wife.  Well, I should have listened to my wife.

The Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) arrives on earth in a damp, dark Los Angeles back alley.  He breaks into a warehouse, cuts off his wings, and steals an assload of guns (not to mention a spiffy suit).  On his way out of the building, Michael is stopped by a pair of policemen.  One of the cops starts shaking his head back and forth really fast like he’s at a Slayer concert while his eyes turn black and his mouth sprouts razor sharp fangs.  It’s nothing an angel with a machine gun can’t handle, but that’s only the beginning of the supernatural shit storm that’s been unleashed on the world.

Meanwhile, the extremely pregnant Charlie (Adrianee Palicki) is working as a waitress at the Paradise Falls truck stop, a dump in the middle of the desert owned by cranky divorcee Bob (Dennis Quaid).  Charlie’s job seems mainly to entail taking smoke breaks and giving blueballs to Bob’s son Jeep (Lucas Black).  Also on hand at the truck stop: pious one-handed cook Percy (Charles S. Dutton), an obnoxious yuppie couple and their rebellious daughter stranded due to car trouble (John Tenney, Kate Walsh, and Willa Holland), and a lost traveler looking to use the phone (Tyrese Gibson).  Cut off from the outside world, these folks have no idea what’s going on until a little old lady shows up and starts scampering across the ceiling and chomping on people. 

Then Michael arrives at the truck stop and starts passing out guns while making portentous statements in a raspy monotone.  It seems that God is pissed off at humanity and wants to wipe the slate clean.  In terms of Judeo-Christian mythology, this would be the vengeful Old Testament God, or the sort of Supreme Being Pat Robertson might imagine in his most vivid masturbation fantasies.  Michael doesn’t agree with the big guy’s plan, so he’s come to earth to try and protect Charlie’s unborn child, a child that somehow holds the key to mankind’s survival. 

So up to this point, the movie has been pretty ridiculous but entertaining.  The little old lady scene, and later an assault by an ice cream man are the sort of deliriously goofy moments fans of “so bad it’s good” cinema live for.  But after the initial siege, the movie grinds to a halt for its mid section.  Most of this is to stop and flesh out characters just prior to killing them off.  Meanwhile, the main protagonists and specifics of the plot are left sketchy and incomplete. 

Another problem with Legion stems from the fact that the script was originally written with demons in mind rather than angels.  Director Scott Stewart liked the idea of angels better, and frankly that could have been cool.  The problem is, it seems that all Stewart’s rewrite consisted of was replacing the word “demon” with the word “angel” in the script.  The “angelically possessed”, as Michael describes them, still look and act the way one would expect demons to behave.  They manifest as mindless, animalistic creatures with pointy teeth and a blasphemous streak, at one point crucifying a character on an upside down cross.

The biggest issue left unresolved by the change from demons to angels is the nature of Charlie's baby.  I imagine it was originally intended to be the second coming or something along those lines.  I can see how Satan and the forces of Hell might want to stop such a child from being born.  But with the changes to the script, it’s now God trying to stop the baby from being born.  So is the baby still His?  Did He get drunk and knock up Charlie while out on a bender, and now He doesn’t want to pay child support?  If not, then what exactly is the nature of this infant who is supposed to be mankind’s salvation, and how is he or she supposed to bring that salvation about?  I don’t know, and neither does anyone involved in this movie. 

Being an agnostic, it’s not that I’m offended by the liberties the film takes with traditional religious beliefs.  I’m just annoyed that it spends so much time on such a poorly conceived mythology.  That, and I don’t understand why you would make a movie about angels if you’re not going to use the idea to its full potential.  We get one brief scene where Michael has a flashback to a conversation with fellow archangel Gabriel (Kevin Durand) that shows how cool this could have been.  While the two discuss the orders they’ve been given by God, a squadron of warrior-angels swoops and dives in the background, ready for an all-out aerial assault that never comes.  Once the action moves to earth, Michael and Gabriel are apparently the only angels smart enough to realize simply maintaining their true form is more powerful and effective than possessing the fragile bodies of humans.

Ultimately, though, it doesn’t matter whether it’s angels or demons.  Although Legion does pick up again in its third act, that sagging middle just about kills it, especially since it gives you time to think about all the inconsistencies of mythology and plot.  If the movie had maintained the level of energy and fun it started out with, it would have helped cover up those flaws.  We’d still have a bad movie, but it would have been a fun bad movie.  Instead we’re left with a few enjoyably goofy moments with a lot of ponderous exposition that serves no purpose in between.  2 out of 4

James Cameron keeps his crown with 'Avatar'

After the death of his twin brother, Paraplegic marine Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) voyages to the alien world of Pandora to complete the mission his late sibling had signed up for. The mission involves transferring Jake’s consciousness into an artificially grown body called an avatar via some futuristic gizmo. These avatars have been created to look like the native humanoid population, known as the Na’vi.

The Na’vi are currently living in a giant tree that just happens to be located over a large deposit something called “unobtanium”. The scientists and other peacenik humans, chief among them Dr. Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver), want to find a diplomatic way to get the natives to move so that this unobtanium can be harvested. That’s the reason for the avatars. Corporate big-wig Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribisi) realizes it might be bad publicity if they just went in and killed off the Na’vi, but he’s also sensitive to his investor’s bottom line. He tells Augustine if she doesn’t get results soon, he’ll let Colonel Quaritch (Steven Lang) send his private army in to get the job done.

After a bumpy start, Jake (in avatar form) slowly begins to win the trust of the Na’vi. They even agree to let him become one of them, provided he can make it through their rites of passage. Neytiri (Zoe Soldana) is charged with preparing Jake for these challenges, which culminate in learning how to bond with and ride a giant flying lizard thing. Because of Jake’s success, Augustine is given a little more time to try things her way. But Jake finds himself caught in the middle when Quaritch offers him a chance to get his legs back in return for intelligence about the natives.

Call this a spoiler if you want, but it should come as no surprise to anyone that Jake and Neytiri become romantically involved, and that the final fate of Pandora will be decided not diplomatically, but rather by a spectacular, action-packed battle. What is surprising is how much time is spent on story, character, and just showing the simple wonders of this alien world.

Also surprising is the degree to which Cameron includes political allegory in his film. This is an unrepentant left-wing fantasy. The Na’vi are meant to evoke native Americans, and their “in harmony with nature” lifestyle is shown in the most positive light. With only a few exceptions, the humans are the bad guys who have depleted all their own resources, and are now moving on to pillage other planets. There are also overt references to the war on terror, with Quaritch talking about pre-emptive strikes, shock and awe, and fighting terror with terror.

But politics aside, this is just an entertaining and well made movie. The basic plot is nothing new, but Cameron adds enough fresh touches that the end result doesn’t feel too recycled. The effects are amazing, but unlike some effects-heavy blockbusters this movie doesn’t fetishize them. They are tools to tell the story, not an end unto themselves. The same is true of the 3D. It’s excellent, but Cameron doesn’t screw around throwing things out of the screen at you every couple of seconds like those old SCTV “Dr. Tongue” sketches.

My only complaint is that the good guys and bad guys portrayed in such absolute, black and white terms. I realize that’s what most people want in a movie like this, but considering one of the themes Avatar deals with is the demonization of an alien culture so we can justify killing them, it just seems a little hypocritical. Still, I’d be hard pressed to find a fantasy/sci-fi/action film this year that I would recommend more highly. This is definitely one to see in the theater. As for spending the extra couple bucks for the 3D version, I don’t think you’ll miss it if you want to save the money. As good as the 3D is, this is a real movie, not a gimmick. 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Absolutely Fantastic

The Fantastic Mr. Fox

Rather than try for a slavishly faithful adaptation of Roald Dahl’s book The Fantastic Mr. Fox, director Wes Anderson has opted to reshape it to suit his own distinctive style and themes. The basic premise, that Mr. Fox (voiced by George Clooney) steals food and beverages from three mean and nasty farmers, is the same.  However, Anderson has added new characters and plot elements to the tale that give the movie a flavor unmistakably his own.  The humor is dry and quirky, and where the book focused mainly on Mr. Fox, the movie puts more emphasis on the titular character’s extended family and friends. The result is far closer to The Royal Tenenbaums than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.


To realize his vision, Anderson has used the stop-motion animation process, in which models are painstaking moved and photographed one frame and one fraction of an inch at a time.  The same process was used in A Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline, but it’s (intentionally) a little more rough around the edges here, recalling such early examples of the technique as the 1933 King Kong and the old George Pal Puppetoons.  In this age of digital perfection, it’s kind of refreshing to see such an obviously human-made piece of cinematic magic.  Further breathing life into these creations are the voice actors, which in addition to Clooney include Meryl Streep, Eric Chase Anderson, Jason Schwartzman, and Bill Murray. 

Although fidelity to the source material was clearly not Anderson’s main concern, there’s still more than a little of Dahl’s black humor and borderline misanthropic worldview coursing through the film’s veins.  It’s not dour or depressing, but there’s definitely more of an edge to Mr. Fox than you’re likely to find in the average kid flick.  Characters get wounded, even die.  Humanity is not portrayed in the most favorable light, and the hero of the film is an unrepentant thief. 

Of course the question is, is this really a kid’s movie?  Like this year’s Where the Wild Things Are, this feels more geared towards adults nostalgic for their childhoods than actual kids.  At least it’s more fun than Wild Things, but it still seems a bit subtle for the kiddie crowd.   The only complaint I have is that Mr. Fox trots out the same tired “be true to yourself” message that seems to be in every kid’s movie these days in lieu of anything of actual substance.  Given the nature of the characters and situations here, that message takes on a slightly more subversive slant than it might in something like Kung Fu Panda, but not by much.  Still, this is a visually stunning, smartly written, and highly entertaining film, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

3 ½ out of 4 stars