Blown Away by the Metal Masters

There are five bands that I personally consider to be the greatest pure, classic heavy metal bands of all time. 3 of those bands were on the bill when the aptly named “Metal Masters” tour made a stop at the Post Gazette Pavillion in Burgettstown, PA this past Saturday: Judas Priest, Black Sabbath (billing themselves as Heaven and Hell for legal reasons), and Motorhead.* But before that trio of titans, early arriving fans were treated to a thirty minute set from eighties thrashers Testament.

Testament may not be quite in the same league as the other three bands on this bill, but they’ve certainly earned themselves a respectable place in the history of metal. They gave a brief refresher course in that history with the first three songs of their set: “Over the Wall”, “The New Order”, and “Practice What You Preach”. The band then proved they’re still relevant and rocking with three tracks from their new album, The Formation of Damnation. The venue was only about a third full for Testament’s set, but near as I could tell everyone there greeted Testament’s set with enthusiasm, and every time vocalist Chuck Billy asked for the crowd to show their “metal hands” the air was filled with Devil’s horn salutes.

Here's Testament doing "The New Order" (or at least most of it):



A few more bodies had filtered into the arena by 7pm when Motorhead began their auditory assault. Bassist/vocalist Lemmy is a true living legend, 63 years old and still meaner, faster, and louder than anyone else. The band touched on all period’s of their 30 plus year career, opening with “Dr. Rock” from 1985’s Orgasmatron album. I was pleased to hear “Metropolis” and “Stay Clean”, two of my personal favorites from the band’s early days, but newer songs like “Killers” and “In the Name of Tragedy” were just as effective. And yes, the did “Ace of Spades”, but considering how many other great songs this band has it’s kind of sad that’s the only song most people know by them.

Here's Motorhead doing "Killed by Death":



It was finally getting dark when the stagehands began setting up a massive iron gate flanked by two stone gargoyles for Heaven and Hell’s set. Definitely cool, and a nice way to build the anticipation of the crowd, which by now was pretty close to capacity. Finally the lights guitarist Tony Iommi took the stage and played the last few notes, leading into “The Mob Rules”. The mix was a bit off at first, with Tony’s guitar and Geezer Butler’s bass buried and Ronnie James Dio’s vocals a bit too loud. But by the second song, “Children of the Sea”, the kinks were worked out. My only criticism of the band came during this second song, which I think Dio oversang just a bit. Other than that, Ronnie’s vocal performance was nothing short of amazing, especially for a guy who just turned 66.

The best thing about Heaven and Hell’s set to me was the interplay between the band members. Almost nothing was done in a rote “just like the album” manner, as all the band members really jammed out on the instrumental sections. Every once in a while a group of musicians gets together and there’s a certain magic that exists above and beyond musical talent. This group of musicians has that kind of vibe. If you’ve seen any of the recent Black Sabbath reunion shows where Iommi and Butler played with founding band members Ozzy Osbourne and Bill Ward, you can really see the difference in the energy level. The band played for an hour and fifteen minutes, with highlights for me being “Die Young”, “Sign of the Southern Cross”, “I”, and an epic extended version of “Heaven and Hell”. Just an amazing set.

Here's Heaven and Hell doing "Die Young":



I knew Heaven and Hell would be a tough act to follow, but I figured if anyone could do it, it would be Judas Priest. Priest opened with “Dawn of Creation/Prophecy” from their new concept album Nostradamus. I fully expected to hear at least a couple more tunes from that release, but nope. The rest of the set was pulled from past efforts, in particular the Painkiller and Screaming For Vengeance albums, from which the band pulled 3 songs a piece. I appreciated the fact that the set avoided a lot of obvious choices (no “Living After Midnight” this time around), and it was nice to hear rarities like “Eat Me Alive” and “Dissident Aggressor”.

Overall the band sounded extremely tight and polished, but something was missing. Maybe it was Halford’s stage presence, or lack thereof. In the past this guy was easily in the top 5 of front men. Tonight, however, he seemed rooted in place and frequently hunched over. I could swear I heard a news story about him having an Alzheimer’s like condition that made it difficult for him to remember lyrics, thus forcing him to rely more on a teleprompter. I couldn’t find anything to back up that memory, though, so I don’t know if that’s true or not. Regardless, Halford’s stage presence on this night was pretty weak, and it sapped a lot of energy from the show for me. Everything sounded good, but I just didn’t get any feeling of passion from the band. Priest live is still head and shoulders above most bands, but compared to past shows of theirs I’ve been to this was kind of lackluster.

Here's Priest doing "Breaking the Law":


*The other two bands are Iron Maiden, who did their own tour this summer, and Metallica (even though they've pretty much sucked since Load, I have hope their new album will be a return to form). And Slayer deserves at least an honorable mention.

Just Because Roddy Piper Rules

I just got back from seeing the Metal Masters show in Pennsylvania and will post a review tomorrow. In the meantime, please enjoy this great clip of Roddy Piper at his best.

Digging up 'The Dungeonmaster'

The Dungeonmaster is like a low budget cinematic jam session with Empire Pictures chief Charles Band assigning himself and 6 other filmmakers to each contribute a segment to the movie. The resulting film is held together by a framing story involving Richard Moll (Bull from TV’s Night Court) as evil wizard Mesterma challenging computer nerd Paul (Jeffrey Byron) to various challenges, each taking place in a different setting. But it’s not just Paul’s life on the line. Mesterma has Paul’s girlfriend Gwen (Leslie Wing) chained up, as well. Luckily Paul’s talking home computer Cal has somehow been transformed into a wrist band that shoots lasers, so that helps. Each director gets about ten minutes to do anything they want within this framework, provided they can pull it off on a budget that would make Roger Corman cry uncle.

Imagine taking Tron, War Games, Conan the Barbarian, The Road Warrior, The 7th Voyage of Sinbad, and some generic eighties slasher movie and mixing them together in a blender. That's basically what’s in store for you with The Dungeonmaster. This movie has everything: stop motion killer statues, demonic puppets, homicidal midgets, aerobicising ladies in leg warmers, post apocalyptic car chases, a serial killer, and a performance by shock rockers W.A.S.P. And yet in a film full of weirdness, perhaps the oddest thing is the presence of Albert Einstein in hell alongside Jack the Ripper and other notable baddies. Your guess is as good as mine.

Despite trying to cram so many different elements into one movie and seven different writers and directors, The Dungeonmaster ain’t half bad. In fact I’d say it’s one of the more enjoyable low budget flicks of the eighties. Now I don’t want to oversell The Dungeonmaster. It has plenty of shortcomings due to its budget, not to mention a general aura of eighties cheesiness that has nothing to do with money. But the performances are decent, there’s some good dialog (including the line, “I reject your reality and substitute my own” made famous by the TV show Mythbusters), the effects are cheap but fun, and there’s just enough sex and violence to earn a PG-13. Sadly The Dungeonmaster isn’t available on DVD at present, but if you can find a copy on VHS it’s worth a watch for eighties nostalgia buffs and forgiving fantasy fans. 7 ½ out of 10.

R.I.P. Isaac Hayes

Warrior of the Analog Wasteland: Bob Reviews ‘Exterminators of the Year 3000’

I recently came into the possession of a sizeable stash of VHS tapes. These weren’t just any old VHS tapes, though. No siree. These were formerly the stock of Lakewood, Ohio’s lost and lamented B-Ware Video. And while it sometimes seems like every last cheesy horror and sci-fi film has been released on DVD, this stash contained a number of films that have yet to surface in the digital format. So I spent a few weeks transferring many of these forgotten classics onto DVD-R, and in the coming weeks and months I plan to watch and review some of them here on Utter Trash. Seeing as Neil Marshall’s Doomsday just hit home video this past week, I’ll start with an earlier Mad Max rip-off: 1985’s Exterminators of the Year 3000.
Giuliano Carnimeo’s Exterminators of the Year 3000 is a fairly typical example of eighties Italian Mad Max rip-offs. It’s a film clearly “influenced” by The Road Warrior with water substituted for gas as the scarce commodity. And yet for all it’s brazen borrowing, it still throws in some loopy curve balls like Tommy (Luca Venantini), a kid with a bionic arm. Tommy knows where there’s a big stash of water and just wants someone to help him get it back to the band of survivors he’s been living with. Unfortunately his best hope for assistance seems to be Alien (Robern Jannucci).

Usually in a movie like this the rough edged anti-hero eventually shows he has some kind of moral character, or at least cares about someone other than himself. Not Alien. Very few films have the courage to make their protagonist such an unlikable and unrepentant dick all the way through to the end, but Exterminators never falters. Alien starts out as the biggest douchebag in the wasteland, and by the time the movie is over he still holds the title. Even Crazy Bull (Fernando Bilbao), the leader of the obligatory punk rock motorcycle gang of violent barbarians, seems like he’d be more trustworthy and reliable.

Fortunately for Tommy, he and Alien join up with Trash (Alicia Moro) and Papillon (Luciana Pigozzi). Trash is your typical bad-ass babe with a heart of gold who once had a thing with Alien, and Papillon is the last man alive who actually saw real rain. The fate of humanity now rests in the less than capable hands of this quartet. It’s bad enough that Alien wants to screw everyone over and sell the water to the highest bidder, but before that can even be addressed there’s the previously mentioned biker gang and a rather disappointing group of mutants guarding the water supply to contend with.

This is shoddy filmmaking even by the low standards of eighties Euro trash. There are no real special effects to speak of, but there are some decent stunts and car crashes. The performances are mostly bland, but I have to give kudos to Bilbao (and/or the guy who provided his English dubbing) as Crazy Bull for uttering great lines like, “Onward my merry mother-grabbers!” and the occasional bit of Shakespeare. It’s no 1990: The Bronx Warriors, but Exterminators has enough low-brow appeal to be tolerable if you’re a fan of grade ‘Z’ trash like I am. 6 out of 10.

Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should: Judas Priest’s ‘Nostradamus’

‘Nostradamus’ finds Judas Priest dabbling in the rock opera arena. It’s a 2 CD set based on the life of the titular 16th century supposed fortune teller, and the result is like a Broadway musical for headbangers. It’s still indisputably a Judas Priest album, but the band has modified their sound considerably. Priest has moved away from the speed metal sound they’ve cultivated since 1990’s ‘Painkiller’ in favor of a sound closer to power metal bands like Nightwish or Savatage by way of Andrew Lloyd Weber. The band probably uses keyboards and synthesizers more prominently here than they did on ‘Turbo’, and there’s also a good bit of orchestration and choral backing vocals. Despite that, ‘Nostradamus’ actually sounds more organic and less overproduced than most straight forward rock bands on the radio these days, so kudos to Priest guitarists Glen Tipton and K.K. Downing for an excellent production job. Disc one starts off strong with “Prophecy” and “Revelations”, a pair of theatrical rockers as good as anything the band has done. There’s also “Lost Love”, a nice ballad that lets Halford show his melodic side, and the hard charging “Persecution”. Disc two provides some decent numbers as well, including the catchy “Visions” and the title track. Between those highlights, however, the album gets bogged down with too many mediocre numbers that serve no purpose other than exposition. I don’t know about you, but I don’t usually listen to a heavy metal album for the plot. I’m not surprised that a lot of Priest fans have been less than thrilled with ‘Nostradamus’. 2005’s ‘Angel’s of Retribution’, which saw the return of vocalist Rob Halford after a 12 year absence, was very much in the “classic” Judas Priest mold. That’s definitely not what we have here. I actually like what Priest is going for with this album, but at almost 2 hours, bloated doesn’t even begin to describe it. Still, buried beneath the bloat there’s some worthy additions to the band’s oeuvre, and for open minded Priest fans I would give this a moderate recommendation. To get a taste for yourself, check out the video for the song "War" on Youtube.

Artificial Serial: Alice Cooper’s Along Came a Spider

In the early seventies Alice Cooper was the name of a band and not just its lead singer. They released a steady stream of hit singles and classic albums, and Alice the singer was certainly a big part of that success. Since going solo, however, Alice's career has been spotty at best. Although a gifted lyricist and front man, he's more performer/personality than musician. This leaves Alice at the mercy of the musicians and producers he’s working with at any given time, a state of affairs that has far too often led to sad attempts to make him sound contemporary.

So what’s the verdict on ‘Along Came a Spider’? Well, “I Know Where You Live”, “Feminine Side”, “I’m Hungry”, “Killed by Love” and “Salvation” are strong tracks that call to mind Alice’s classic seventies sound. Lead off single “Vengeance is Mine”, however, goes for a more modern vibe and features Slash on guitar. Album closer “I Am the Spider” sounds damn near industrial, and doesn’t really feel like it belongs on here, but it’s not a bad song. The rest of the album consists mainly of so-so filler, with only “Wake the Dead” crossing the line to full on crappiness.

Overall, ‘Along Came a Spider’ boasts a pretty strong batch of material, and Alice is backed up by a solid group of musicians. Unfortunately, the (over)production by Greg Hampton & Danny Saber and an overly compressed mix damn near ruins it for me. So I’m left sitting on the fence with this one. I want to recommend it for the songs, easily some of the best Alice has had in years, but the artificial sounding production is so grating to me that I almost can’t get past it. It’s a real shame because this is so close to being the “comeback” album fans of the seventies era Alice have been waiting for.

Here's the video for "Vengeance is Mine".